Having been driving around in Jakarta metropolitan for the past 12 years, I'm compelled to start this thread on some tips that may help you conquer Jakarta's traffic, in one piece. I hope that this thread could be a living thread where I can add more as I encounter more in this jungle called Jakarta. Most of the tips would be real and serious tips, but some of them would be a kind of sarcasm. I desperately need a forum where I can let myself out just for the sake of keeping myself sane. So judge for yourself which one is which one and please feel free to add.
Here we go:
Tips no 1: Always put in your mind that Jakarta's traffic light is an option. Red light doesn't really mean red light. Expect some or many colorblind daredevils who would proudly make their way regardless.
Tips no 2: Never speed right away when the traffic light turned green, especially if you're driving a tall SUV. Two reasons: one is point no 1, two, you'll never know if a toddler or even a 1 y/o baby, being used as beggars by their creative parents, crawling in front of your car without you realizing or have a visual on them.
Tips no 3: You must have a bionic eyesight that could see as far as 2 km ahead. As road signs are a luxury here in Jakarta, expect a huge separator that turned out of nowhere and suddenly you're stuck on top of it. Expect a pothole that could literally swallow your whole car in the middle of the road. Expect a hiding policemen behind a tree that could jump right into you. Expect a 4 lanes highway suddenly turned into a 2 lanes road.
Tips no 4: Be good with your reflexes, be very good. Expect a bus / micro bus & bajaj to stop, turn or even make U turn in a one way street. Expect street vendors in their little carts to cut through wherever they like, with their own speed (around 3 km/hour). Expect lamp / power posts, advertising boards, or even road signs to fall off right in front or on top of your car, thanks to great workmanship.
Tips no 5: Be low profile. Never flash your wallet, hand phone or other valuables as they can attract funny warriors as seen on the Brave Heart with their bright-red axe within seconds. Yes, their martial art skill level is so high they can appear/disappear at will.
Tips no 6: Be deaf. Honks in Jakarta Jungle could mean a thousand words. It can be used as a sign of gratitude (one short tap), a sign of anxiety (two short taps), a sign of warning (one long push), a sign of frustration (two long push), a sign of anger (three long push) and a sign of insanity (one veryyyyy long push till you dry the battery up)
Tips no 7: Prepare empty 1.5 litre Aqua bottle. You can and you will stuck for hours in traffic. You either don't drink water 3 hours before your journey, empty up your bladder or you must take along a large empty Aqua bottle. If you feel like to shit instead of pee, then God be with you.
Tips no 8: Breath necessarily. When you're stuck behind a 1955's PPD or Mayasari buses, trust me that fumes will find itself into the cabin. So you either put on a toxic mask SWAT-style, or breath only when you really needs to.So I guess that's it for me at the moment, please feel free to add. Oh yeah, one more thing, welcome to the jungle!!
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